A Gilmore Girl
by spinningcreation
Summary: It was hard for Rory to ever get comfortable, to ever feel safe, because whenever she did, things like this happened... A story of pain and struggle, as Rory goes through life without the one person who meant more to her than the world. Please R&R!
1. Fall Through Me

The number one wasn't supposed to do anything. It wasn't supposed to come with consequences, or leave a rise of emotion in it's wake. It was supposed to stand alone, so that it was easily pushed away. Easily forgiven, easily erased. But maybe it had more power than thought. After all, one fight had ruined her life. One fight had turned her entire world in a different direction. And one fight, just one, had led to the death of the one person she needed most. All because of one fight.

Rory awoke, once again, in an unfamiliar place. She tried to get her bearings as she peered around at the dirty walls, the sea of whitewash casually interrupted by a poster here and there, held on by a piece of gritty tape. Unable to distinguish her whereabouts she turned to the motionless lump curled beside her in the double bed, placed at the center of the room.

"Josh," she moaned to herself upon finding the identity of her companion. Josh was definitely not someone she would have opted for on a sober level, and since she had no recollection of last nights happenings, not to mention the beginnings of a world class hang over, Rory came to the conclusion that she must have been pretty damn intoxicated.

She laid there for a few more minutes, the throbbing in her head reminding her of her foolish actions, and carefree decisions. This was not the first time she had awoken in an apartment other than her own. This was not the first time she had used alcohol to drown her troubles, her emotions, her pain. And she imagined this wouldn't be the last, because this feeling would not be ignored.

_So fall through me,_

_I must be open, I feel so empty._

_Can you see me?_

_Am I still here, am I alive?_

_Just fall through me,_

_Maybe you can prove the distance,_

_Please fall through me._

_At least then I'll have something inside._

But she didn't have to deal with that now, and she didn't plan to. All those memories could be revisited another time, a happier time, preferably when she wasn't so desperate for an aspirin and a tall glass of water. But no matter how many times she pushed that guilt trip into the dark corner of her brain, the subject would eventually have to be touched on. She knew that, she was just taking her time, something she seemed to be very good at.


	2. You Have Me Stuck

Disclaimer: I own squat, don't rub it in my face that I'm not lucky enough to own Gilmore Girls, it'll only make me cry... and do you want that?

Okay, the first one was short, I know, and this one isn't really long, but the next one is a decent size. I've written the first 7 and I'll try to post all of the chapters relatively quickly. I'd love feedback, good or bad, thanks!

- You Have Me Stuck - 2

God she hated Group, all the pressure to just spill her memories, all her feelings across the floor, so everyone else could sneak a glance at them. She just wanted to run away, run into her mother's arms and just let her hold her, because that, well that would make everything better. But no, instead she was stuck in this cold, emotionless room, listening to other people's problems. And apparently, all this was to make her feel better.

They started at one end of the circle, each sharing the reason why they were sitting in those hard plastic chairs, the fluorescent lights washing out their features.

"Never found love."

"Rough childhood."

"Abusive boyfriend."

"Family issues,"

All eyes turned to Rory, she found her own gaze dancing around the room, searching desperately for something her mind could grasp onto. How was she supposed to tell them why she was depressed, how did she convey those feelings in a few weightless words?

"I don't really feel like sharing," she squeaked. She saw peoples shoulders drop as they rolled their eyes at her response. She could understand why they were getting frustrated, it had been this way for a few weeks. She would come to group, they'd share their problems, and when it was her turn to expose herself, to share the real reason why there were dark circles under her eyes, she merely let them pass over, sometimes giving her chance a little push on its way.

Rory's eyes shifted once again, this time accepting the gaze of their therapist, Mrs. Henson. She saw her cross her legs and adjust her cat-eye glasses, obviously preparing herself for another lecture. "Nothing at all Ms. Gilmore?"

"Rory," she whispered.

"Nothing at all _Rory_?"

"No, I just don't think I'm ready."

"And when do you feel you will be ready?" she asked, slight annoyance in her voice, "Because this is your fourth week, and nothing, nothing at all. How do you expect me to help if I don't know how you're feeling?" Rory had nothing to say, she didn't know when she would be able to speak about her experiences, she didn't know if she ever would be. Not with these people any way.

With a heavy sigh, Mrs. Henson gave up on prying into Rory's emotions and turned to the man slouched in the chair to the left, "Thomas?"

"Alcohol."

And so the sound-off began again.

-------------------------------------------------

When she was awake, it was easy to push those memories to the side, it was easy to pretend they never existed, to pretend that she was actually happy with the way her life was going. But in her dreams, her mind taunted her with flashbacks, and heart wrenching reminders. In her dreams, she couldn't escape. All of her reminiscences were like ropes, holding her down, not easily broken by her feeble moving hands.

_Let me go I cannot breath,_

_Cannot focus. Cannot see._

_I cannot move, _

_Can't run away._

_Please give me room, 'cause I cannot stay._

_Accept the fact that we are through._

_I'm sick and tired of seeing you._

_These ropes are broken, please abide._

_Give me space, I need to hide._

She could still feel those emotions, taste those tears, and smell the scent of pure fear lingering in the air, yet as real as it all seemed, it wasn't. She didn't want it to be, because then she would have to face the pain again, and she wasn't sure that was possible.

It had all started with a fight, a silly little argument really, nothing seemingly powerful enough to reek the havoc it caused. Rory and her mother had just begun to reconcile, painfully and cautiously, each wanting to avoid getting hurt once again. So they entered with barriers, barriers that locked out truth and welcomed judgment. Barriers that allowed them to sneak around and not open up, something definitely not aiding the wounds the two shared. Barriers, that in the end caused more trouble, then solved. It was these barriers, that led to Rory's ultimate downfall, which sprung from the downfall of her hero, her mother.

But subconsciously Rory could sense the beginnings of a remembrance, and as quickly as she had started to recall that fateful day, she locked it back away with equal fervor.

EL FIN


	3. Just A Swig

DISCLAIMER: Once again... I own only my Coldplay CD's, past that, the world is yours my friend.

I've been told this is a sad one, actually got one person to tear up, or so they say. Tell me what you think por favor.

-Just A Swig-

Rory swiveled on her stool, unknowingly picking at the padding that crept from the seams of her seat. Her furrowed brow conveyed that she was thinking of more than just the brown contents of her dirty glass.

_What's this you ask? _

She took one last pained gulp of the bartender's concoction, hoping that it would drown her pain for good. Knowing it wouldn't, she stood up and slid a few dollars across the counter, waiting for the man's nod of approval before briskly walking out the door. Eager to escape the hell her life had become.

_Why this is booze my friend._

When had her life become so routine? This wasn't her, she didn't want this to be her. But nonetheless, it was, and somehow she couldn't escape.

_No, no, it's not the devil's work._

The door squeaked open revealing Rory's tired features in the frame.

"Welcome Ms. Gilmore," Mrs. Lockewood bellowed, not once looking up from her papers.

"Hey," Rory responding, tossing her bag on the floor and sinking into the couch. She didn't know why, but Mrs. Lockewood was different from her other therapists, for some reason when she spoke to her she just felt so relaxed.

"Drinking again," she said dryly, moving to a chair closer to her patient. Rory silently cursed herself as a hand flew up to her mouth. Damn this woman had a nose.

"Only a little," she tried. Mrs. Lockewood nodded, making a few scribbles on the sheet attached to her clipboard. "I swear."

Her eyes focused on Rory's own saddened expression, "And why have you started again?" she questioned, honest concerned laced in her words. Rory shrugged, not sure how to place words with how she was feeling. "Is it because of your mom?"

Of course it was, it always was, the both of them knew that. Not once had Rory come in with a problem that didn't lead right back to her mother, or her newfound lack of a mother.

_No, no, it's for the greater good._

She could feel the burning behind her eyes, the flush of her cheeks. She wanted desperately not to cry. Not again. She always cried, and no matter how many tears flowed from her baby blue eyes, the pain stayed.

"Yeah," she breathed looking down at her feet.

"And do you want to talk about it?"

The question hung in the air as if the world was holding it's breath. Rory had never spoke directly on the events that had altered her life so effortlessly. She had never really shared all that she was feeling inside. But there was a first for everything, maybe this was hers.

_It stops all the pain, do you want me to have pain?_

Yes, now was her time. Her time to release the pressure on her chest, maybe then she could breathe. Maybe then she could live. So closing her eyes she welcomed all those forbidden memories that rushed back into her brain, giving her a sensory overload. All those forgotten feelings returning to her fingertips.

**No stormy nights, no howling winds. No, her story had started on the perfect day. Not a cloud in a sky, it was picture perfect. That of a fairy tale, the birds were chirping, sun shining, trees casting shade in all the right places, those sort of things, the things you only dream of. But nothing is ever perfect, there is always a flaw, sometimes people are just polite enough to point it out, but not this time. This time, people were pointing, staring, and making sure that everyone in the world knew her flaw. At least that's how it felt to Rory.**

**Even today she could hear the words she had screamed at her mother and the words her mother had calmly returned. She could feel her heart beating rapidly in frustration towards Lorelai. Even today she could taste the tears that had dripped from her puffy eyes into her open mouth as the door slammed. And the part she hated most, was even today she could smell the burning rubber when she walked onto the site of the accident. Even today she could sense that fear. That fear that she herself had caused.**

"**You're such a bi-tch!" Rory yelled, hoping in at least some way it had reached her mother and hurt her even just the tiniest bit.**

"**Is that how you feel Rory? Because really, as second grade as this sounds, it takes one to know one." Rory was shocked at how smoothly Lorelai's words had flowed out of her mouth. Her voice didn't crack, or raise at any point, she just spoke, and somehow that hurt Rory even more.**

"**Real mature of you mom."**

"**Since you're one to talk." There it was again.**

"**Ugh, I wish you hadn't come here, I wish we still weren't speaking, I wish you would just leave me alone. Forever." Rory knew she was being childish, she was mad, and stubborn. Not the best mix she determined.**

"**You want me to leave?" Lorelai said, sounding agitated, "Gladly. Call me when you're in a better mood."**

"**I won't be, not with you any ways." Rory regretted the words immediately, she would definitely have to work on comebacks. **

**So Lorelai left, slamming the door forcefully behind her, never knowing how much that one sound would affect her daughters life. It was that one sound that led to the demise of all she ever had. It was that one sound, that led to the biggest breakdown of her life. She couldn't handle the pressure any more, her life wasn't supposed to be like this, her mother wasn't supposed to be like this. She was supposed to support her, no matter what decisions she made, but apparently Rory dropping out of Yale was just too much to accept.**

_It can cure anything, just give it time._

**Rory knew that within a few hours, she would have forgiven both her mother and herself. The differences would be settled, the tears dried, the harsh words purposely forgotten as to wipe the pallet clean. But Rory didn't have that time, and without time, wounds don't heal.**

**The shrill ring pierced the heavy air of the pool house. Rory sluggishly climbed off the couch and tossed items here and there in search of her cell phone. Later, she would look back and wish she had never picked up at all, wish that she had been asleep, wish that the call had never been made. But that was only wish, what happened really happened, and now was time to face it. **

_I swear, only time. Just trust it's magic, and give it time._

**Rory reluctantly flicked open her phone after glancing at the name plate. It read unknown, risky business she figured, but what better things did she have to do with her time? **

"**Hello?"**

**Their voice was thick and raspy, "Ms. Gilmore?"**

**Rory's mind fogged, she had heard this tone only once before, and no good outcome came from it. "Mmhmm?"**

"**I'm Officer Tanner, uh... I'm afraid." And it was over, she knew something had gone terribly wrong, but she didn't want to find out, she just wanted to hang up and forget all about the man with the foggy voice. "I'm afraid there's been an accident."**

"**With who?" she barely managed.**

"**Lorelai Gilmore," he said, showing little emotion in his voice. "You should probably come down," he paused, "to... to identify the body."**

It stopped right there, Rory didn't remember anything past that point. She didn't remember saying goodbye, or walking to the car. She didn't remember driving the hour to the sterilized hospital where Lorelai's lifeless body lay. The only thing she remembered was that in her mind, it was her fault. It didn't matter that she had been hit head on by a careless driver. It didn't matter that the roads had been slippery. Nothing matter, she just knew it was her fault, and she still felt that way today.

_Good, you've seen it now, so a toast, to me and you, through and through. I need a toast. _

Her pain could not be expressed, she could not draw a picture to help Mrs. Lockewood understand. It was something she alone had to be burdened with, something she alone had to work through. And they both knew that.

"Wow," Mrs. Lockewood proclaimed upon hearing her accounts, "you've been through a hell of a lot." Rory's eyes filled with tears thinking of just how much more she was supposed to go through, to go through with her mother. How much they both would have experienced had she not forced her out the door with her heartless words. "I'm sorry."

"It's nothing you did."

"But I still feel like sh-it about it, you didn't deserve all this. I'm apologizing for life, not my actions." Rory smirked, same attitude as Lorelai, that must be why she liked Mrs. Lockewood so much.

"Thanks."

"No, thank you."

But Rory knew, no matter how much better this had made her feel, she would still go home tonight settle into her bed, and have her heart break all over again.

EL FIN


	4. Glass House

DISCLAIMER: I own nothing, well I did write the plot, so maybe I own at least this.

This one is very short, and I apologize, but the next one is longer, I promise!

-Glass House-

If Rory remembered one thing about her childhood, it was stories. It was the emotions, the feelings, the intrigue all of these accounts held. It was the pain, the suffering, the joy. She could remember all of those things, but they were not her own. They were not something she could comprehend or something she could level with, they weren't even something she could begin to understand. But in some sick way, she wished she had felt the pain, had endured all those experiences, at least then she could connect with her mother even further. But in her own turn, that desire, that want for experience outside of perfection, was something her mother herself couldn't embrace.

It was this fatal difference, this one lack of connection, that led to the most pain Rory had ever felt. It was this pain that slowly but confidently made it's way through her entire body, eventually trickling down to every connection she ever held, until soon her whole life was drowning in her sadness.

I feel so breakable, hold me together,

I know I can't, I've been through rough weather.

At least the pain is gone, or maybe I just can't feel.

Please tell me now, tell me it is not real.

**The signs read the same, the stores had not been moved, even the benches were placed in their normal fashion, but Stars Hollow was not the same. There was something different about this small down, something heavy and depressing that clung to the minds, the bodies, and the spirits of everyone in it. Something that crushed people's hopes, something that left the sky dark and gray, something that Rory knew had been her fault.**

I've asked for too much, I can see you break.

I knew I was selfish, all I do is take.

Don't wipe at my tears, I don't deserve you,

But just help me this once, tell me what do I do?

She knew she had caused it, she was one hundred percent certain, because she felt exactly the same way. She felt torn up inside, she felt dead, she felt cheated. And those feelings wouldn't stop pounding at her heart, at her brain, taunting her with just how much damage she had caused, they just wouldn't stop.

She had come home, to her real home, desperately wanting to escape those feelings, those thoughts just for a minute, so she could have one second of peace, but as her surroundings told her, she wasn't the only one hurting.


	5. Start With One Step

I'm not happy with the opening paragraph, but hopefully you'll forgive me past that. It's another sad one, but not as sad as the next!

-Start With One Step-

Rory Gilmore had been scared before. She was scared at the first Friday Night Dinner, scared on her first day of Chilton. Scared to tell Dean that she loved him, and years later, scared to tell him those words were no longer true. Scared to choose Jess, scared what others would think. Scared to graduate, scared to leave her mother and go to Yale. Scared she wouldn't succeed. And oddly enough, scared to leave Yale, but the one thing she had not been scared to do was tell her mother her decision, to come home, to take a break. That's why disapproval hurt Rory so deeply. And today, as she sat in her parked car, that's exactly what she was scared of.

**She took a deep breath as she opened the door allowing the familiar bells to jingle in their delighted mayhem. The diner was nearly empty, the few stragglers placed here and there around the room sat, slowly sipping at their coffee dregs and taking the last bites of their grilled cheeses, but none bothered to look up as Rory hovered in the doorway, unsure as to whether she should take that last step in. **

**She stayed like that, scared to move, scared to breathe, scared to see the one man she had come to Stars Hollow for, of what he might say, of what he might not say. Scared of seeing just how disappointed in her he had become. That's why she stayed silent when he appeared in the kitchens entrance.**

"**Close that damn door," Luke bellowed never looking up from an order form he clutched in his hands.**

**Rory remained motionless. **

**He continued to stare at that piece of paper, obviously running numbers in his mind, but upon the absence of sounding bells he lifted his gaze to whoever was letting that freezing winter air in. "Rory," he breathed. She stood, fidgeting with the smooth gloves enclosing her slender hands, glancing between Luke's rough gaze and the blank floor. Neither knew what to say next, neither knew what the other was thinking, what they were feeling, what they should be expecting. They just stood there, taking each other in, wanting so desperately for this to feel normal, but knowing that wasn't possible.**

I've been shot, wounded in battle,

Unstrap me, help me off my saddle.

I've served my time I need a break.

I've given it all and there's nothing to take.

All her life Rory had loved Luke, loved the way he only let certain people see his true personality behind that gruff facade, loved the way he loved her and her mother. Loved the way he was always there. Loved the way he cared. She even loved those damn cheeseburgers. But things had changed. She had changed, and now, she wasn't sure if she was staring at the same Luke.

**The silence filled the room engrossing everyone in the presented drama and leaving Luke and Rory at even more of a loss for words. He looked at Rory, watching her movement, her eyes, recording every piece of data he could, hoping that it would tell him something about her. A piece he had missed, a piece he didn't know. But her eyes were blank, fogged with pain and sadness, something he knew he couldn't penetrate, something that went deeper than the surface. So knowing this would take more than a glance, he did what he knew best.**

"**Coffee?" he asked hesitantly.**

**Rory looked around the room, sizing up the gossip that would soon be spread, she didn't really want to stay, but she had come too far to turn back. "Sure."**

**Luke pulled out a familiar blue mug from underneath the counter upon her response. A mug that had seen Rory through many rough times, a mug that fit perfectly into her hands, that slipped effortlessly between her lips, the mug that she missed more than she knew. **

Yet you continue to kill me,

I am so blind, but I can still see.

Maybe it's because you aren't here,

But your presence is so near.

**Rory sat quietly in the wooden chair at the table, glancing around the room. Being Luke, he had politely invited her to his apartment when she had finished her coffee. She hadn't known how to say no, so she followed him up the familiar stairs, into his new home. She immediately felt bad. Luke lived here, in a bachelor pad, alone without Lorelai. They had had plans. They had a future, they had a life. They lived in the Gilmore house, a real house not some uninviting flat, and the fact that Luke was now crammed in his un-homely abode was her fault. The fact that there were boxes upon boxes scattered across the floor made her stomach churn. The fact that in the place of curtains a sheet was stapled to the window frame made her mind race, and the fact that it shouldn't be this way made Rory feel horrible. But she didn't say anything, she just continued to scan, hoping her eyes would find something to comfort her mind, to tell her that he was okay, and that she hadn't done harm.**

**Luke noticed her darting eyes, "I'm sorry it's not decorated too well."**

"**Oh, no, no, no. It's fine really, it's totally fine," she reassured.**

**He hesitated, thinking of the next thing to say, "So do you want a beer or something?"**

**Rory quietly laughed, beer and coffee, her grandparents would be proud. "Yeah, sure, but I'll get it," she said as she stood up and walked towards the refrigerator. Her hand froze as she reached for the door, there, boldly contrasting with the off white fridge stood a small photo. One of an ultrasound. "What's... what's this?" she questioned running her fingers over the smooth film.**

**Luke got up, getting a closer look at her intrigue. "An ultrasound." He stated simply.**

"**Who's?" Rory pressed.**

**Luke sighed and shifted uncomfortably, "Your mothers."**

And just as easily as she had fallen before, she want tumbling down again. Rory had never known, and now, she wished she never had because maybe recovery was more painful than she thought.

EL FIN


	6. Over The Edge

DISCLAIMER: I still own nothing, my attempts to take over the world have failed, darn.

Okay, so this one is a bit... darker, heads up I guess. Nothing of great consequence happens though, actually that's totally not true, something happens. But I won't give it away! Tell me what you think.

Oh, and a big thanks to those who have reviewed, sad I know, but I hope I haven't disappointed you, keep it up for my sake!

-Over The Edge-

It was hard for Rory to ever get comfortable, to ever feel safe, because whenever she did, things like this happened. Things that threw her delicate system off balance, things that brought her back to the beginning, things that hurt. But no matter how many times she reminded herself of the possible consequences, she found herself getting attached, attached to people, attached to hopes, attached to memories, and each time these were pulled away, the cut was worse. So this time, with this one simple realization, Rory was hurting again, more than ever before, and she knew this one would leave a scar.

**Rory gently took the blankets from Luke's firm grip and bundled them in her arms. She just wanted to go to sleep and, by the way she was feeling tonight, never wake up. She stood watching, while he dragged the air mattress out onto the floor, the same flimsy mattress that Jess had slept on so many years ago. In reality, it hadn't been very long, but to Rory it felt like forever. Since it had been forever since she was happy, forever since she was herself, forever since she was young. Now, all she felt was old, her spirit sagged, and she ached with constant exhaustion, no matter the amount of sleep she got. All she wanted, was to be free again.**

Killer instincts. She's over the edge.

**The tile floor was more inviting than the smooth sheets tucked tightly in their corners, and the creaseless pillow resting at the top. They were cold enough to numb her pain, hide her thoughts, and strong enough to block out the world. The sheets had no barriers, they let everything in, because all walls were down when she slept. So Rory sat, cross-legged on the bathroom floor, she sat just thinking, thinking of what her life had been, what it was, what it would be, but mostly of what it could have been. She thought of what she could do to change it, who she wanted in it, who she didn't, and if she even needed be there. The scary realization in her mind was she saw no need for her existence, and in some odd way, that comforted her beyond belief.**

They were all testing her, seeing if she would give into the temptation. The razor blades, the medicine cabinet, the shards of glass in the trash, they were all trying her, seeing what she might do, what extremes she might reach. And to Rory, they didn't seem that extreme, they were simple way to escape the pain, to escape the fear, to escape the guilt. It was the cowards way out, but she couldn't say she was feeling too brave.

She's gone for desperate measures, not right in the head.

**She toyed with the loose ends of the label clinging to that simple bottle, that one bottle that could do so much for her. Change her in so many ways. That one bottle, that was so hard to empty, so hard to even look at. Yet despite her wariness she shook a few of the crisp white pills into the palm of her hand, she had never really liked pills, but they were a small price to pay if she could escape this hell, a tiny one.**

Better alive? Or better dead?

**Luke's eyes danced from his Carpenter's magazine to the closed bathroom door, trying to remember the exact time Rory had gone in just to 'freshen up before bed'. He wondered whether she was having some sort of trouble, so he quietly moved towards the door and gave it a firm knock.**

"**Yeah?" Rory called, a slight quiver in her voice.**

"**You okay in there?" he asked poking his head in the door, making sure to tightly cover his eyes with his hand.**

"**Yeah," Rory blurted, trying to shove all the pills back into their appropriate containers.**

"**Kay," he stated, not sounding so reassured, but all the same he backed out of the room shutting the door behind him.**

**Rory sighed, rubbing her hands over her tired eyes. She couldn't do this to Luke, not here, not now. She had already done enough to the poor guy, he didn't need his dead daughter-in-law spewed across the floor to top it off.**

People pull her back and push her over, it's all one big game.

**---------------------------------------------------------**

**She had waited till he was asleep, till his mind laid in forced relaxation, till she had the perfect escape, and she had left. Gathered her things and walked out the door, making sure to leave a short note before she left. A note she was sure wouldn't help, a note that wouldn't give him any answers, just a note so that she wouldn't feel so guilty. But that was too late, every thought in her mind was laced with guilt, weighed down by facts and consequences, burdened by her past. And the only way to escape that, was to leave everything she had ever known, everything she ever loved, so now she found herself jogging down the street, a few bottles of pills rattling in her jacket's tight pocket. Jogging from everything she needed to face. Jogging, back into problems, but feeling like she was leaving them all behind.**

So she just hovers in existence, not able to move.

Luke awoke the next morning in a rush, the nights happenings flooding back into his mind. He knew Rory had been upset upon discovering Lorelai was pregnant, and he wanted to talk. He wanted to tell her he never thought it was her fault, he wanted to tell her she still meant the world to him, tell her that they would get through this together, that maybe they could push through the pain, but in her place he found a small piece of paper.

Dear Luke,

I had to leave, I don't have an explanation, I just had to. I couldn't bear to hurt you any more, to rip apart your world further, so this is one less person you have to worry about. I'm sorry for all the damage I've already caused, and hope you can forgive me.

I love you, I always have and so did my mother,

Rory

And that was that. He didn't know where she was going, he didn't particularly care, all that mattered was that yet another person had been ripped from his life, and he was alone... again.

EL FIN


	7. Killing Me

DISCLAIMER: Nothing, absolutely nothing.

Thank you for those of you who have reviewed, this chapter... it's dedicated to you!

I'm not so happy with the Luke and Lorelai parts, wish is basically all of it, so that means I'm not happy with most of it. Just give it a shot, I can promise the next one will be better, or at least I hope it is for you guys! And uh, the transitions are a little odd, it switches from LL to Rory, and I'm not sure if I'll do much on Luke after this, I only wanted to answer a few of your questions.

-Killing Me-

Luke remembered just how scared she had been. How she clung to his flannel shirt and sobbed into his chest. How she begged that she wouldn't be alone this time, not again. And he held her, delicately stroking her hair and caressing her smooth skin, hoping he could dry her tears. Hoping that he could make her believe that, unlike Christopher, he wasn't going anywhere. Ironically enough, it was her who had gone, and left him utterly alone.

**Her body was numb, her face tear stained with a gentle pout written across her mouth. Tears cascaded down her cheeks as she laid sprawled across the couch, wishing that none of this were true, that it wasn't really happening. She didn't know how to tell Luke, how to tell him that all the plans would change, all the dreams would be ruined. How she had done it again. How she had messed up everything, just when it had started to seem right. She just didn't know how to break his heart.**

One epidemic.

"**Luke," she breathed hastily, as she attempted to shove the contents of her hands under the blanket on her lap. **

**Luke approached her slowly, lifting her chin with his hand, so that he could get a glimpse into her beautiful blue eyes. But they were dark and stormy, washed out from the tears he knew had already been shed. She tried to turn away, but he held her still, wanting to look further into her gaze. **

"**I'm so sorry," she whispered.**

"**For what?" he asked, brushing a dark strand of hair from her face. She shook her head as she let it hang fighting back the tears. "For what?" he asked again.**

**Her hand gently slid under the blanket, pulling out a used pregnancy test, "For this."**

It's killing me, I can see it going down.

**--------------------------------------------------------**

**Rory pressed her head against the chilly window as the bus sped along a desolate highway. Her cold eyes searched the road, toying with the patterns of the painted lines, trying to focus on something other than the thoughts racing through her mind. Yet, no matter how many times she turned her attention to the icy rain playing rhythms on the roof, she continued to think of everything she was trying so desperately to escape. **

You've already been lost, too late to be found.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Luke had held her the entire night, partially for her, but more so for himself. He needed Lorelai, and he needed her to know that he cared, that they were in it together. He needed her to stay, and the only way he knew to insure that, was to be her support, to catch her when she fell. It was only Luke who knew, that when she fell, he didn't catch her, he just fell along side her.

**Luke smiled as he watched Lorelai's eyes gently flicker open.**

"**Hey," she whispered, furrowing her brow and looking around the room. "We're in the living room?"**

**He nodded. "You fell asleep in my lap, and I couldn't bare to move you." he teased, his lips curling into a smile.**

**Lorelai put her hand to her heart and gasped, "Are you calling me fat?"**

"**No, no, no! I wasn't calling you fat!" She smiled, noticing the haste in his voice.**

"**It's fine," she whispered soothingly, leaving a lingering kiss on his lips.**

"**Mmm, that was fine," he groaned back. She giggled and slowly settled back onto the couch, tenderly rubbing her heavy eyes with her hand. "It's okay you know," Luke said, breaking the silence.**

**She stopped and turned her head to his, silently thanking whoever had so graciously given Luke to her, "What's okay?" Lorelai asked, her question was gentle, and the answer already known, but ease was all that was needed in this situation.**

"**You know..." he gestured towards her stomach, "it's okay."**

Is it coming? I cannot really tell.

**--------------------------------------------------------**

**Rory's stomach churned as she stepped slowly into the darkened hotel room. Everything, no matter what pattern or style, screamed Lorelai. The sheets of her mother's day as a maid, the fake flowers of her nastily brown thumb, and the floral patterned curtains were sickeningly similar to those found in the so called 'quaint' bed and breakfast the two had stayed in after the Max fiasco. Now, in a fiasco of her own, Rory was running. Running like Lorelai had, like Rory had seen her do so many times before. She was running from the pain, from the hurt, from the fear, yet just as she had seen with her mother, the things she was leaving behind, had a funny way of catching up to her.**

It's killing me to know that you already fell.

**Rory roughly swallowed the five pills that rolled in her palm. It had become routine, something she could control, which gave power and meaning to her otherwise helpless life. Taking a gulp of water she collapsed on the bed, closing her eyes before quickly unfolding a crumpled note she held in her hand.**

**Baby names. Lorelai's baby names. **

**Tears mixed with the dark blue ink loosely scribbled on the paper as they dripped down from Rory's chin. There, so uniformly written by the number three stood the one name that hurt the most.**

1. Avairy Franchesca

2. Trainer Drake

**3. Isabelle Rory**

4. Bella Kelsey

5. William Richard

**Her name. After all, she was Lorelai's baby.**

EL FIN

I know, a little short, sorry, I didn't even make it three pages, but it goes out with a bang, right?


	8. Reminders Of You

DISCLAIMER: I just checked, and nope, still don't own anything.

Sorry it took me so long you guys, I had this one written and just sort of forgot to post it on here, don't be too mad! And read and review! For my sake, please!

-Reminders of You- 8

She didn't know when it had happened, when her emotional pain had slowly turned into physical aching. She didn't know when her mind began to flood with agonizing thoughts and feelings, when her life became completely useless. She just didn't know, and she didn't know when it would stop.

Now she was fading out of existence, watching herself slip into a place of unimportance while others scrambled to grasp onto purpose, onto life. And she didn't care. She didn't care if she was forgotten, if she wasn't missed. She didn't care at all. She just wanted to escape, no matter what the consequences. She wanted to end the constant pain, all the reminders of what she once had, but so foolishly let slip away. She just wanted to close her eyes and forget the world.

The embrace of the world has gone.

**Her thoughts spun as she watched the streets flood with people, people with determination, with goals, with dreams, with everything she once had. But now it was different, she stood still as everyone moved around her. Her mind, her heart, her body just floated in nonexistence. She was lost, and it seemed as if she may never be found.**

I know I'm in it's clutches, but the pain has stopped going on.

**Rory stood in a small doorway facing the street, her coat wrapped tightly around her petite frame, hoping that she could block out at least some of her forever present chill. She didn't want to go out, to fake a smile for the world, to fake one for herself. She wanted to stay curled in tired submission, to let life move on without her, because she was sure at this point that she wasn't needed. That she wasn't even wanted.**

"**Hey, you planning on letting other people out?" A masculine voice questioned from behind her.**

"**Oh, sorry," she mumbled, stepping aside to let him through, still staring blankly at the bustling sidewalks. **

"**Thanks," he stammered, fixing his gaze firmly on her delicate features. **

**Feeling his hot stare she turned her eyes to his, "So, are you planning on letting people out?" She gestured to a couple standing patiently on the stairs.**

"**Oh, sorry," he whispered to Rory, rather than the couple. She turned her head from his, remembering the problems caused from her previous relationship. "Hey, you wanna..."**

"**No," she stated firmly.**

"**Come on."**

"**No."**

"**Well why not?"**

"**I have my reasons."**

"**Just one dinner."**

**She sighed. Her memories warned her of all the could be, all that could happen, but she was lonely now. Desperately searching for at least some contact, no matter how much she told herself she didn't want it. "If I go on one, will you leave me alone?"**

"**If you want me to."**

**She nodded in defeat. "Just one."**

"**Great," he said smiling, obviously proud of his accomplishment, "How about I meet you right here at 7?"**

**She nodded again, her mind racing with the scenarios of the problems that could surface that night.**

**He flashed her a cocky smile as he turned on his heel to open the door, "Oh, by the way, I'm Todd."**

"**Rory," she stated glumly.**

"**Rory," he repeated, finally pushing through the threshold allowing streams of frosty air to pour through the openings, "see you tonight."**

"**Super." she whispered to herself sarcastically.**

Maybe I'm just numb, since I've been here so long.

----------------------------------------------------------------

**Her heart fluttered as she clumsily glided a lipstick tube over her fleshy lips.**

"**Why am I doing this?" she asked aloud. It really seemed stupid now, the whole concept of actually trying seemed too much effort for her at the moment. She just wanted to slip into her oversized pajamas and curl up for a good sleep, damn Todd. Damn obligations.**

**Yet she continued with her preparations, pulling on a tightly fitted tank top that hugged her curves perfectly. She had to admit, it felt good. It felt good to have something to do again, something to stick to.**

Why can't it let me go for good?

----------------------------------------------------------------

It would be better for me, I know it would.

**Her lips pressed solidly against his as they thrashed violently to shake off the remainder of their clothing. Running her fingers through his hair they quickly spun until their bodies collided with the bed, tangling with the sheets. She knew this wouldn't help anything, it was like filling a cup with no bottom, yet she longed for that momentary sensation where she was full again. Where her life had meaning. She knew in the morning that same pressing emptiness would once again take over her life. But if she could escape that for just one second, maybe she could breath. Maybe she could move towards the right path. Maybe she could live again.**

If only I could escape, I wish I could.

EL FIN


	9. I've Seen It Before

DISCLAIMER: Give me a N! (N) Give me an O! (O) Give me a T! (T) What does that spell? (NOT) Now at 'HING' and you've got what I have.

Take a look at this chapter too while you're at it. Man I got this up fast.

-I've Seen It Before-

It seemed so clear now. The hidden key, the double locked door. The closed blinds and the buzzer turned off. It was just so obvious; but only after the fact. Only after the humiliation and shock, only after stumbling on yet another disappointment. That's how it was, she always knew, but only after everything came tumbling down.

**Rory groped the door frame blindly, her fingers searching for the key normally propped against the wall. Finding nothing, she frowned and withdrew an empty hand. **

She had thought of knocking. Thought of stirring him from his supposed slumbers. But she hadn't wanted to disturb him. To rouse him with her surprise visit. So she had continued her search for that slim piece of metal, so craftily shaped.

**She sifted frantically through the papers thrown sloppily in her back seat. She knew there was a key somewhere in the car, finding where that was, was proving harder than expected. Grumbling to herself she lifted the carpeted mat laying on the floor in a last attempt. Relief washed over her as her eyes caught a small object glimmering in the night's gentle light. The key was found.**

----------------------------------------------------------------

**Rory cautiously stepped though the threshold and slipped off her heavy shoes. She was determined not to wake Todd, to not be a burden. All she wanted was to see him. To have that little bit of contact she had quickly grown accustomed to. And she certainly saw Todd that night, plus a little more.**

**--------------------------------------------------------**

**Todd's head jolted upwards as he heard the bedroom door squeak open. There Rory stood, eyes wide and questioning as she took in the sight before her.**

"**Rory, it's not what it looks like," he managed as he frantically pulled the covers up around him and his "guest".**

"**What?" She asked dumbfounded. She didn't know why she was asking that, it was most definitely what it looked like.**

**Todd's response was that of pure confusion. He had expected a rant, an angry one at that, with his name entwined with as many profanities as possible. But all he got was a blank stare, filled with hurt and desperation.**

**Rory took the initiative, "Bastard." **

**Still no response. She was getting annoyed, she had expected an 'I'm sorry' at the very least. Her eyes darted quickly around the room as she ran a vast possibility of follow up insults through her brain. "Screw you. No, she can do that for you." Her ears rang with her sounding immaturity. Todd just gave her an apologetic shrug, not quite enough. She heaved a frustrated sigh as she shook her head, and turned to walk out the door.**

"**Wait."**

**She paused briefly, waiting for him to continue. Still nothing. Taking one more breath, and dramatically blowing it out of her nose she opened the door, slamming it behind her.**

You taught me how to see.

Everything is so clear.

**Rory wiped violently at her reddened eyes in a desperate attempt to stop the steady flow of tears now cascading down her cheeks. Her head was pounding, pounding with thoughts, with emotion. Swarming with the fact that she'd lost someone again. Driven them away. It didn't even matter that she hadn't loved him. She had known he wasn't the one, that he wasn't even close. But he'd at least given her some sort of control, an escape from reality. Now, she was brought back to the truth; he had left her lonely once again, with nothing to distract her from the pain.**

----------------------------------------------------------------

**Her body shook with heavy sobs as Rory lay limply on the couch. Her body was useless, her mind put on hold. She felt dead inside, like her light had gone out. She had never felt so alone, so detached from the world. And it scared her. It scared her that she'd become so attached, so dependent upon one relationship. It scared her that Todd had so easily taken her away from the pain, and just as easily pushed her back. It scared her that once again she had failed. That she had taken a wrong turn, and had to find her way back.**

All the pain, all the hurt.

All the hate, all the fear.

She didn't want to feel this way, to be so distraught. She wanted to be strong, to be independent. She wanted to be like her mother. Only once, had Rory seen Lorelai fall apart. Only once had she lost her cool, needed a break. Only once, had she not been strong. And that one time was for Luke. Her Luke, he was the one. Luke needed her, and she needed Luke. Her breakdown was expected, it was called for and rational. Rory wanted that, she wanted to only react when it was necessary.

**She remembered that day, that call. The worry that was written across people's faces, the concern in everyone's voice. She remembered Sookie, and how she said "something had happened." How her own heart had skipped a beat. And she remembered her mother, laying pathetically under the covers, her cheeks stained with tears. She remembered how she wanted to make it go away, to help her mother like Lorelai always did for her. But she couldn't. She couldn't help because it was wrong, the whole situation was wrong. The only thing that could make it better was if it was right, because Luke and Lorelai, they were right.**

**It was never that way with Max, or Chris. Her dad and disappointment went hand in hand, yet Lorelai never fell apart. The hurt was always anticipated, there was always that hovering sense of failure, and somehow that lessened the blow. It wasn't a surprise when he left, so Lorelai never broke down. Rory knew, that if it were her, she would break down. She would fall apart. Because any little change, now or then, threw her entire life off balance, and that was not something she was good at. That was proven with Dean, with Jess, with Logan, and most recently with Todd. Each had held such an influence upon her life, and each, had led to change.**

**Dean had been her first love, her first boyfriend. Letting go of him meant letting go of comfort, letting go of something reliable. Yet when they broke up, Lorelai had been there. Had been there to tell her it was okay, that she would get through it, and that maybe she should wallow. Rory had marveled at her mother's knowledge, her help, her care, but she hadn't really felt right until she was in Dean's arms again. **

**But as time went on, her focused changed. It changed towards the towns new rebel, Jess. And painfully she switched from Dean to Jess, seemingly jumping from boy to boy. Once again, Lorelai had stood behind her, ready to make the catch as Rory threatened to fall. It had been the same when Jess had left, when she had crumbled as he pulled away. Lorelai had dried her tears, and proven once again, that things would be fine.**

**Now, the more Rory thought about it, the more she needed her mother. Not only had Lorelai been strong throughout her own break ups, she had been the support in Rory's as well. And for the first time in her life, Rory was having to face her problems on her own.**

I can see it all.

Nothing to hide the facts.

So she lay there helplessly, wishing more than ever, that she would awaken from a dream. That her life was simply a nightmare. Yet the more she wished and the more pain she felt, the more she knew that it was true, that she could not escape.

What the world contains.

Or sometimes what it lacks.

EL FIN


	10. Visits Long Awaited

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Gilmore Girls nor do I own any of the characters, if I did, I'd have better things to do with my time than write fan fiction... like write actual scripts!

Okay a new one...

A little warning, there is a lot of dialogue, and I'm not very good at that, but this was a necessary part of the story line. And I know some of the actions we see with Rory and Richard might not be what you'd normally expect from them, but sorry! That's just how it is. It's also pretty long, I think it's the longest one I've written so far. And only the ending is sad. The other parts aren't happy, they just aren't sad. Hope everyone likes it, and review it for me you guys! I need some feedback. By the way, thank you to the ONE review from last time. I will try my hardest to work some pieces of Luke in for you.

-Visits Long Awaited-

There she stood. After all the time, after all the distance. After all the pain, the fear, the anger. There she stood. After every second spent avoiding contact, ignoring calls, and not opening letters. After denying any sort of relationship. Finally, there she stood.

**Rory smiled sheepishly as the heavy wooden door swung open, revealing a timid maid cowering behind the frame.**

"**Hi... I'm here for Richard and Emily," she laughed awkwardly and shrugged her shoulders, "Who else would I be here for?" The maid remained unresponsive. "Um... anyway... I'm..."**

"**Maria? Who is it?" Emily shouted from the sitting room, unknowingly interrupting her granddaughter.**

**Maria eyed Rory, scanning her from head to toe before hesitantly calling back. "I, I don't know Mrs. Gilmore."**

"**You don't know?" Emily scoffed. "You don't know? How can you not know Maria, did you not open the door? Can you not see? Because when we hired you I was not aware that you were blind."**

"**I... I..."**

**The voice drew closer as Emily made her way into the hall. "Maria, when you open the door, it is customary for one to..." she stopped as her eyes fixed on Rory.**

"**Hey Grandma." **

"**Rory?"**

**Rory nodded nervously, "Yeah. It's me."**

"**Rory." she said again, allowing the thought to register in her brain. **

"**Yeah," Rory repeated, a little unsure of how to respond. **

"**Are you all right?" At the full realization of her presence Emily was sure something was wrong, that something had happened. It wasn't every day Rory came just to say hi, no, it wasn't any day.**

"**Yes Grandma, I'm fine. I just thought, I'd, you know... stop by." The words rang sharply in her ears. They had once had a strong relationship, a respectable one, that was somehow reduced to shreds. Now, as much as it pained her, she was coming to the realization that she had lost Rory, just as she had Lorelai.**

"**Well. Come in, come sit down." She stepped aside, ushering for Rory to walk ahead.**

Needless to say, things have changed.

**----------------------------------------------------------**

**Rory was sure she would soon suffocate if she wasn't released from her grandmother's hardened stare. Each heavy breath she took was polluted with the tension hovering in the room, and she could feel the pressure building in her lungs. Even the steady ticking of the clock seemed smothered by the strain of the situation. **

"**How's the D.A.R.?" She asked, hoping to divert at least some of Emily's attention away from her.**

"**Fine. As usual."**

"**Good, good. And Grandpa? How's he?"**

"**He's fine. Busy, but fine. He should be home soon."**

"**Oh. Okay."**

"**And you, how have you been all these months?" Emily's words were dripping with disdain.**

"**I've uh, you know, taken a break from things for a little while. Moved around a bit, but it felt like now was a good time to come back and visit."**

"**Haven't you already been?"**

"**Excuse me?" Rory clenched her teeth, tightening her jaw. Nothing good could arise from this piece of knowledge.**

"**Well I heard you had come to Stars Hollow. How far away is that now?" Emily asked, cocking her head slightly to the side, obviously imitating a form of innocence.**

"**Last I checked it's still 30 minutes." **

"**30 minutes? My, that's awfully far away. It's quite understandable that you didn't visit then. It makes perfect sense."**

"**I'm sorry Grandma." **

"**Well, you've come now, so it's fine. I don't mind secondhand visits. I'm only your grandmother."**

"**I said I was sorry." she said through slightly gritted teeth.**

"**And I said it was fine." Rory sighed, wishing not for the first time, that she was invisible to her grandmother's eyes. It was always like this, she had seen it with her mother, with Luke, with Christopher, with herself. She had seen it with Jess and with Dean. There was always fighting. The combative stance never ended, and just this once Rory had hoped that Emily would be sympathetic, be caring and loose. For just once, she wished Emily was more like Lorelai.**

I want to touch you, but you're so far away.

I reach out, but there's nothing there.

Rory had always appreciated the differences between Emily and Lorelai. Understood their characters, their reactions, their mind. She had always viewed them as different, almost complimenting each other, pulling in different parts to complete the puzzle. She had respected the fact that Emily was strict, and that while just as stubborn, her mother was less domineering. Rory needed them that way. She needed them both, both of their influences and inputs. She needed the structure, but the knowledge that she could return to that carefree environment But now, with Lorelai gone, the atmosphere was harsh and bitter. There was no more freedom, no more casual attitude. Lorelai had taken that with her, destroying the balance that Rory had once known.

I can see you, but all I feel is cold air.

Can't it go back, to the way we were?

**---------------------------------------------------------- **

"**Emily?" Richard called as he handed his heavy winter coat to the newest maid. This time he was almost certain her name was Hilda. Or maybe it was Beatrice. The more he looked at her face he wasn't even sure she was the same maid from that morning. "Thank you."**

"**We're in here Richard."**

"**We're? Who's here Emily? I wasn't aware we were expecting guests."**

"**We weren't Richard."**

"**Then who is it?"**

"**Why don't you come in here and find out for yourself."**

"**Already done," he said, walking into the sitting room. **

**Rory slowly turned her head to face her grandfather, "Hey Grandpa."**

"**Rory." She smiled, genuinely happy to see her grandfather's face. They had always had a special bond, an unspoken respect for one another. Whenever things seemed to be falling apart she knew that Richard would always be there to pick up the pieces, to help her stand, and to restore the balance. He was the most reliable thing in her life, the sturdiest, and the most comforting. He was the father figure she always needed, and she was the daughter that he had lost.**

"**Yeah."**

"**What's wrong?" he asked, a look of worry washing over his features. The same fears Emily had held in her heart were presenting themselves in his.**

"**Nothing Grandpa, I just came to say hi."**

**Richard swiveled on his heel, catching the maid as she shuffled past the door. "Hilda?"**

"**Maria," she whimpered.**

"**Maria. Can you please bring me my check book? It's in the study." She nodded, hurrying off in the opposite direction. **

"**What's that for?" Rory questioned, her suspicion rising.**

"**Well you need money, don't you?" It was shocking how fast the whole situation was spiraling out of control.**

"**No. I don't need money."**

"**Well why else would you be here?" It hurt Rory that her grandfather had asked her those words. She would have expected it from Emily, or for Lorelai to receive that question, but never her. Not his Rory.**

"**I told you. I just came by to say hi."**

"**Oh," he said, taking the checkbook from Maria's hands as she returned to the room and flipping to a blank page.**

"**Grandpa, I don't need money." Rory stated, her voice slightly rising.**

"**Exactly what your mother said when you first started Chilton. Just tell me how much."**

"**I don't need money, I promise. I'm doing fine." That wasn't completely true, she was running a little dry, but she hadn't planned on asking them for anything. She had made it this far without them, there was no reason to beg for help now. **

"**Look it's no problem, just tell me how much." Richard pressed.**

"**I don't need the money!" she yelled, hoping that he would finally comprehend what she was saying.**

"**Rory! Do not raise your voice at your grandfather," Emily hissed from across the room.**

**Rory frowned, sitting there for a moment before hastily gathering her belongings, trying to keep the tears from spilling from her eyes. "Look, I didn't come here to ask you guys for anything, and I'm not leaving any differently. Maybe I shouldn't have come," she whispered before walking towards the front door. **

"**Wait." Emily pleaded, but Rory only shook her head and continued to walk.**

I love you still, for that, I'm sure.

The fights don't count, don't mean a thing.

**---------------------------------------------------------- **

"**Richard!" Emily screeched as she heard the front door forcefully slam shut. "Why did you do that?"**

"**Do what?" he questioned calmly.**

"**Oh you know what you did. You drove her away, she was finally here!"**

"**Yes Emily, she was finally here, after pretending we didn't even exist for months, she just showed up. It wasn't fair. How did you expect me to react?"**

"**Better than that!"**

"**Well I'm sorry Emily, but what's done is done." **

The truth was it was killing Richard to watch Rory walk away again, with every step she took towards the door he felt his heart wrench. But it had to be done. She couldn't have stayed there. Not happily at least, and he knew that. He knew it would tear her apart, that she would feel smothered and trapped. Lorelai had felt that way, and Rory was more like her mother then she could ever know.

Lets just forget it, get back in swing.

It can't be too late, I see it all.

**---------------------------------------------------------- **

**Rory sighed, laying her head exhaustedly against the seat of her car. It wasn't supposed to go that way. She wasn't supposed to fight, they weren't supposed to be mad. She had expected a warm welcome, full of hugs, tears, and offers for whatever dinner her heart desired. But she hadn't even made it to dinner. She hadn't even made it to drinks. **

**Shaking herself back into reality, she sniffled, wondering where she had put her keys. "Dammit." She knew exactly where they were; in the house. Silently cursing herself, she opened the door of her car and climbed out, wishing she wasn't so forgetful.**

**----------------------------------------------------------**

**Her eyes shifted nervously as they hurriedly grazed every visible surface. The floor, the couch, the table. The table again. She may not have found her keys, but her eyes had focused on something just as intriguing. There, sitting boldly against the table's smooth lines laid the checkbook. And more importantly, inside of the checkbook, sat a blank check graced by Richard Gilmore's masculine signature. **

**Her mind raced. She could take it. She could use it. But what would she do? What if she was caught? There were so many things that could go wrong, so many problems that could surface, not to mention the fact it was illegal. But now, she didn't care anymore. She just needed to escape. She needed to go far away, to start over, to live her life. It seemed so easy, to just slip a small piece of paper into her pocket, and then walk out. So she did it, she took the check and slid it carefully into her coat, laughing harshly at herself as she felt the cold metal keys resting in the same place. And it was done. She didn't know where she was going, only that she was. All she had left was just one more stop.**

Can't you see it too, as you watch me fall?

I've messed up big, now my hearts all deranged.

**----------------------------------------------------------**

**Her fingers glided across the smooth marbled stone as she read the small name engraved delicately in a feminine cursive print. Letting out a shaky breath, her lip slightly trembled as she felt the hot tears forming in her eyes.**

"**So," she whispered, "it's been a while, hasn't it?" It had been a while. It had been forever, and she had no excuse. She had no reason as to why she'd been so neglectful, no explanation for staying so far away. "I, I just wanted to tell you... that I'm sorry mom." She paused, "I'm so, so sorry." The flow of tears steadily grew as they ran along her cheeks and hovered before dripping from her jaw. But she wiped away at them, determined to finish what she'd come for. "And. And that I'm leaving."**

Needless to say, things have changed.

EL FIN

Hope you enjoyed, and the next one will have a little more action. Well, maybe not. Since I'm thinking of taking a look at Luke's situation again, or possibly getting into Emily's mind, with only little bursts of follow ups about Rory. But don't worry, I know where she's going, and it'll be good


	11. Aftertaste: The Story of Luke

DISCLAIMER: I haven't owned anything this far, and the times aren't a-changin'.

Okay, this one is somewhat short, and I tried to please whoever asked for more Luke. Hence the title that includes, The Story of Luke. It's just a few things about his life without Lorelai, well some of it with her too I guess. I hope you guys enjoy, and about bringing Logan in. I think that will be next chapter, but he won't become a character in story, just a passing guy that sheds a little light on Rory. Eh, we'll see. PLEASE REVIEW IT! I don't get many reviews and I'm starting to wonder if I should continue.

-Aftertaste: The Story of Luke-

She had lied. She had looked him directly in the eyes and lied. Then, with his trust completely invested in her words she had changed him beyond recognition, stripped him bare, and broken her promise. She had lied.

**They had jogged to the limo, her dress dragging behind her in a crazy wind of excitement, her curls bouncing from their arrangement in a messy bun, and both of their arms swinging wildly at their sides. Breathlessly they had climbed into the back before hungrily meeting lips, each tasting the other as if for the first time. Sighing, Luke had pulled away, drinking in the beauty of her features.**

"**God, I wish this would last forever."**

**She smiled, twisting her fingers gently through his hand, "It will, because I'll love you forever."**

"**Forever is a long time," he said, raising an eyebrow in anticipation.**

"**Well, then I guess you're stuck with me for a while."**

"**There's no way out of it?" he had joked.**

"**I'm afraid not."**

"**Shucks," he breathed, pulling her in for another kiss.**

It hadn't been forever; it hadn't even been close. Now she was gone, and Luke didn't know what to do.

Imprints, scratches, marks.

But Luke knew he was lucky. Even if it was brief, Lorelai had been his, she had chosen him, and he'd gotten his time. Probably more than he deserved. After all, he was just some 'diner guy' and she, well, she was something else.

**Luke smiled weakly as he stared out at the people sitting before him, trying to match faces with the blurry forms below. He felt as if he chest was being crushed, like someone was sucking the air out of him. Taking a shallow breath to refill his lungs, he began.**

"**It's hard to put Lorelai Victoria Gilmore into words. If anything, she was nothing short of amazing. She just had this spark, this light to her. When you were around her things just felt, they just felt right, like she made the world just a little bit better," he sighed, running his hand through his hair, "There's not much else I can say except that I had my time with her, and that's something I'll treasure forever."**

It was true. She was special, everyone knew it. Rory, her parents, Christopher, Stars Hollow, Luke, they all knew it. They all knew that intoxicating laugh was one of a kind, that few smiles could light entire rooms the way hers could. And they all loved her, it was hard not to.

Footprints, dents, and sparks.

Now, with her gone he felt empty. She had left an imprint in his life, in his soul, and once she pulled away, he had nothing but empty space.

**Luke rolled lazily onto his side and stretched an arm outwards, grasping at the formless sheets. His eyes quickly opened and examined the space where his hand lay. Lorelai's space. Sighing he realized his mistake. It happened almost every morning, he would wake up in a combination of denial and bliss from some alter dream world, somehow forgetting that Lorelai was no longer there. That he was utterly alone once again. Then it would sink in, the wrenching fact he would never wake up to her sleeping form next to him ever again. That his bed was for one again, no extra pillows, no need to share blankets, no fight for space. No Lorelai.**

The worst part was, Luke knew that there was nothing that could ever fill him. So he just went on living, trying his best to ignore the cavernous hole she had left in his heart.

You made your way through me.

Leaving impressions for all to see.

------------------------------------------------------------------

His whole life had been routine, a pattern scarcely broken. Even now, it was the same. Only these days, it was harder to keep moving, to not just shut down and quit. But he still dragged on, with only one addition to his mornings.

**Luke slammed the car door behind him, wincing as the crash of metal rang through the respectful silence. With his head dropped towards the ground he quickly made his way through the grassy lawn, hoping that no one had noticed his earlier disruption. Memory had taught him when to slow his pace, and soon he stopped at a grave slightly displaced from the path.**

**As his eyes lifted he saw them. They begged for attention, their sturdy stems supporting a cluster of vibrant color, calling immediate notice to the loudness of the bloom. The sight wrapped its way around his eyes filling them with an overwhelming passion. Luke didn't know what type of flowers they were, only that they were beautiful. That they were Lorelai. And that only one person could have brought them. The one person who knew her inside and out.**

"**She came."**

I'm not who I used to be.

Controlled by you, no longer free.

EL FIN


End file.
